I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
false alarm. still invincible.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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