May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
