apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
