Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
