i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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