Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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