Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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