Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
