I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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