I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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