I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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