I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
