"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
