shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
