She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish you could order shots online.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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