Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
