Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
