Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
They should really pass out barf bags in church
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
