I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
