I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
