no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
