I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
