I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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