My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Is it penis luge time yet?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
