So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i was born a porn star she said
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
