you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
