I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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