I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Terrible idea I love it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
