So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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