God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
