he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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