I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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