a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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