you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
