I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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