Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Sorry about my life...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
