good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
