She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
