I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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