Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
