chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
