I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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