I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
