How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
