I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize