We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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