You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
