Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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