Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
