They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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