I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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