A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
