I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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