Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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