We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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