I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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