like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
