Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
