Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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