sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
