So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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