he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
