I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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