She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
