a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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