I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
