He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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