the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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