I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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