Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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