You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
