i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
