you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Who died my cat blue again?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
