there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
