why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
