After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
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