I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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