i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
