I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
